Talking Bushes
by Bento Box
Summary: Zell is stalking Squall and Seifer. Laguna SEEMS to be stalking Zell. And there MUST be something in the air because someone else is stalking Laguna!
1. Talking Bushes: Part One

Talking Bushes: Part One  
By. Bento Box  
04/06/03

--

Bright blue eyes were covertly watching two nearby, standing figures.

Zell's face held a dark frown as he continued to casually observe the brunette and the taller blonde. For the past two months, Zell had been noticing something odd about the two. It had all started when Squall and Rinoa had broken things off. Squall had seemed outwardly okay with what had happened athe time, but then not even two days later Squall readmitted Seifer back into the Garden. At that sudden change of heart towards the other blonde, Zell began to wonder if Squall _had_ been a lot more shaken by the breakup than he appeared--because there just _had_ to be something wrong with the brunette's sanity if he had let _Seifer_ back in!

As the weeks drew on, the once before palpable hostility between the two had noticeably--to Zell--dropped dramatically. Oh sure, there were still the taunts and sneers and cold shoulders, but more and more Zell had seen an alarming frequency in what seemed to be _civil_ and privately arranged meetings.

Something smelled fishy about the entire thing, and it wasn't the Surprise Ingredient Tuna Casserole the cafeteria was now serving.

So Zell had been on stake out for the past month, following the two whenever he was able to, and whenever he actually caught them together, like right now.

Zell didn't consider it stalking, at all. It was merely a friendly concern for his friend's well-being and overall sanity. That and seeing the two together sent large, stabbing, spikes of jealousy through Zell.

Not that he'd _ever_ admit that. Nope, _not jealous_ here! Just one greenish tinted blue-eyed Zelly-boy! Not jealous at all.

He inched a bit closer, hoping that the large, indoor, potted fern would do its duty in hiding him. This was one of those _rare_ times that Zell was glad for his short stature because the fern towered over him.

Ears straining to catch the low murmurs of conversation going on between the two, he held his breath as best as he could to catch the soft words.

"--in the gardens, later?"

That was Seifer.

"Yes."

And that was Squall.

"Alright. See ya tonight then."

With that, the two parted ways, and Zell was left wobbling tenuously in his hiding spot. He had been leaning to the side so far that was losing his balance. He was just gratefully that he had only started to wobble just as the two were walking away, otherwise he would have been caught for sure with the fern's leaves shaking and twitching rather obviously as he tried to remain upright by grabbing onto the plant.

Finally regaining his balance, Zell scratched the back of his head and stared thoughtfully at the now unoccupied area.

This entire thing was getting stranger and stranger. There hadn't been any negativity between the two at all! At least, not during the last snippet of conversation that Zell had managed to overhear.

Hn.

Maybe tonight would reveal what exactly the two were keeping secret to themselves? Going a tad pale, Zell fervently stuck with his belief that two were merely making up and were friends. Like. Secret buddies or somethin' so that they'd save face since they were reputed to be bitter enemies and stuff.

Yeah. Nothing more at all.

And Zell spying on what were obviously private conversations was all in the sake of friendship and care and... friendship!

Glancing down at his watch, Zell let out a curse. "Shit! I'm gonna be late for the next class!" With that, he immediately took off at a rapid pace, not noticing the curious stare that was gazing after him as he was sprinting away.

--

Notes: Righty-o then. Muses sicked a plotbunny at me, and it attacked me this mornin' as I was dragging my lazy carcass outta bed. It immediately turned me into a pile of giggling hysteria and energy. I couldn't resist my muses' pleas. They've been silent for so long, and now they're chanting "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" at me! OO I CANNOT RESIST! And trust me, with the way my muses are actin' up... this is gonna be one WEIRD series. oO; One I actually have high hopes of COMPLETING. SOON!

Stay tuned for more.


	2. Talking Bushes: Part Two

Talking Bushes: Part Two  
By. Bento Box  
04/07/03

--

Swiftly, silently, with the grace of a lurching, drunken Tonberry, Zell flitted through the shadows of the lush tree-filled garden.

Spying his little hiding spot, he quickly hoisted himself up onto the branch. Climbing one branch after another with several near foot and hand on branch mishaps, he was finally high enough to not be spotted (he hoped) but low enough to be able to hear any conversation below him (he hoped).

He also hoped that Seifer and Squall would be returning to this same spot, and had not designated a new one during one of the many times he knew he had to have missed their private meetings.

Settling himself in with a loud rustle of branches and leaves, he began his apprehensive wait for the two gunblade wielders' arrival.

_1 minute... 2 minutes... 3 minutes... 10 minutes...._

Zell 's shoulders began to droop as he tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle his bored yawn. Grumbling quietly to himself, he wished that the two men had been more implicit on the time of their meeting.

_15 minutes... 20 minutes...._

Zell was starting to recount the tales of agony and woe, of each heart-rendering, gut-wrenching, pain-filled cries that he had uttered over the loss and missed chances of his beloved hot dogs. He was trying desperately to keep himself awake. Usually such tragic and horrifying memories served well in making sure he was too tense and twitchy to fall asleep.

_25 minutes... 35 minutes...._

Why the hell weren't they here yet?! His _ass_ was going _numb_!

Fighting off the urge to squirm and shift from his uncomfortable position, Zell was too distracted by the numbness in his rear to notice the suspicious rustling of leaves about him.

Until it was too late.

"GUUUWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Zell's graceful, mastered skills of balance and poise as a martial artist fled him at the sudden, soft touch upon his shoulder. Flailing wildly, as if his arms were trying to take flight to fulfil Seifer's self-appointed nickname for Zell, he let out a high-pitched screech. The screech quickly turned into expletives as Zell started to pitch forwards from his precocious perch on the tree branch. His flailing about did not help in the matter of re-obtaining balance.

An arm suddenly shot out, grabbing ahold of Zell's forearm and hauling him back safely onto the tree branch, thus saving him from falling "splat!" face first onto the ground.

Zell clung like a leech to both branch and arm as he fought to regain his breath and composure.

When his heart ceased to feel like it was trying to hammer its way through his ribs, Zell tentatively released his death grip from the arm and instead clung to the branch.

_Gah! If I hadn't been caught, I woulda kissed da ground! Hyneeee!_

A thought abruptly occurred to him. _I wouldn't have had to kiss da ground if some jackass hadn't startled me!_

Baring his rather pointy canines, he whirled (well, not so much as whirled as cautiously turn) around to pin down the new presence with accusing eyes.

"Whaaaat in all of da nine shittin' chocobos do ya think ya were doi--?!"

And immediately let the hiss trail off when he realized just who was sitting next to him on the tree branch. The person being a rather happily-smiling Laguna Loire, President of Esthar, father of Squall Leonheart.

"LAGU--??!" _President, President! _he hastily reminded himself, "--SIR??!"

Laguna seemed perfectly unaware of the shocked and gawking Zell, for he only smiled wider and replied with a cheerful, "Hiya Zell! Wha'cha doing all the way up here?"

Zell's jaw worked funnily for a bit, until his brain seemed to recall the baser functions of closing and opening. His mouth snapped shut with an audible, and painful, clack of teeth.

Giving the smiling, strange, man an incredulous look, Zell's brain ceased to work and immediately took off on a vacation where the birds were green-eyed and clucking "Chicken wuss!" and large, smiling Laguna-daisies gave off hallucinogenic fumes.

Blinking slowly to himself, he didn't notice the curious expression on Laguna's face, or the way the other man had moved closer, as if maybe his nearer proximity would somehow magically cause words to pop out of Zell's mouth in the form of his explanation for being this high up in a tree.

Which it did, to some effect.

When he had dragged himself out of his reverie, he had found himself nearly nose-to-nose with the wide-eyed and unblinking man.

"Gaaaaaaah! Personal space, personal space! Yer crossin' da invisible line!!!" Zell caught himself before he began flailing again.

Laguna's face took on a rather perplexed and guilty expression, and he quickly moved away from the hyperventilating boy.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were going to say something. Um... besides that!" Laguna peered at the younger boy, anxious concern in his gaze. "Are you all right? Were you stuck in the tree or something and couldn't get back down? Want me to carry you back down?" Laguna leaned in closer again, although not as close as he had been previously, an eager and earnest look on his once-again smiling face.

_Hyneeeee... I always thought he was a bit... chatty. But I didn't know he was on the same drugs as Selphie!!!_

"Zell?"

The query brought Zell back from his inner monologue (he better watch himself, he might just catch up to Squall if he kept this up) and upon seeing Laguna's face, quickly rewound the last few sentences in the conversation and found out what Laguna was waiting for.

"Ahhhh... nooo. Actually, er... see, it's like this. I'm not stuck up here but... uh... the stars! Yeah! I wanted to... look at... the stars?" The last comment came out sounding rather unsure, more in the form of a question than an affirmation.

Laguna blinked and Zell stared, incredulously, at the insanely long lashes that the other man possessed. _Damn, and I thought women were supposed'ta have pretty eyes and shit._

And then they were open again, and it was like a lightbulb had been switch on in Laguna's mind, for his eyes lit up brightly, despite there being a very obvious lack of light shining on them.

"Oh! That's great! Would you mind if I joined you, then? I haven't star-gazed in so long!" He smiled brightly, perkily, at Zell again. Never mind that Zell's sorry excuse for an excuse rang hollow, or that the thick interlacing of tree branches and leaves successfully blocked out any chances of actual "star gazing" and thus deflated any smidgen of "truth" in Zell's explanation.

Zell groaned inwardly, and chewing on his lower lip, sought out another explanation that would get Laguna out of the tree and leave Zell alone to his stalk--er, "star gazing".

Whatever half-brained excuse Zell was going to blurt out next effectively died when Zell's ears picked up the sound of approaching people, the sounds of boots thudding dully on the dirt ground.

Eyes growing impossibly wide, Zell quickly clamped a mouth over the other man's mouth, not trusting Laguna to not talk and keep asking questions and thus giving away his--their presence in the tree. Which would, in turn, ruin any chances for Zell of finding out what the flying frick and frack Squall and Seifer were up to.

Holding up the index finger of his free hand to his mouth in the universal sign of, "Be quiet!", Zell carefully peered downwards at the small clearing under the tree where Seifer and Squall had stopped.

Zell's heart began thundering when Seifer didn't just stop and stand next to Squall, but began to walk backwards until he was leaning against the tree trunk.

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, don't let him look up, please Hyne don't let him look up!_ Zell chanted fervently.

Luckily, Seifer didn't look up.

Instead, the tall blonde focused his attention on the quiet man opposite of him.

"So how was your day in Hell?"

Zell blinked. _How was your day in Hell? _This was almost like... a normal conversation, but not. Because it wasn't normal.

"Alright. Paperwork. Whatever." Squall shrugged. "Yours?"

"Shitty, as usual. Had to stop myself from beatin' the shit outta some fuckwad."

Zell could just barely make out Seifer's smirk.

"Kid pissed himself though."

Squall's brow arched, Zell didn't even have to see it to know that it was there. "........?"

Zell shifted quietly, barely paying any attention to the amazingly well-behaved Laguna. At the new angle, he was able to see Seifer's smirk grow. "What? You said no _physical_ fightin'! Didn't say nothin' about _describing_ their slow and painful deaths."

Amazingly, Squall's mouth twitched in a way that Zell _knew_ was the normally stoic man's way of a small, teeny, weeny, itsy, bitsy _smile_.

While Zell was preoccupied with this new startling and disturbing discovery, Laguna had suddenly shifted his attention the base of the tree branch that he and Zell were perched upon.

He could clearly see, despite the dim lighting of the setting sun, that the branch was starting to bend rather alarmingly downwards.

_creeeeeaaaaaak_

Laguna's eyes grew round and wide with surprise, and he tugged carefully at the edge of Zell's shirt. When there was no forthcoming response from the younger man; the careful tugs became careful, controlled, _frantic_ tugs.

Zell eventually noticed that his forgotten companion was trying to get his attention. Irritated, he turned slightly to glance at the other man.

"What?!?" he whispered heatedly.

Laguna gazed at him with urgent, large eyes, still tugging on Zell's shirt and gesturing at the quickly breaking tree branch. Zell's hand was still clamped rather painfully tight around his mouth.

Zell stared at the other man in confusion. "What? What is it?" It didn't seem to occur to him that he would get his answers easier by allowing Laguna to speak.

Laguna could only try to convey his message to Zell by his eyes, and continue to gesture, now wildly, at the branch.

By now, Zell's confusion had given way to frustration and he jerked his hand away from the other man's mouth.

"What's wro--"

The rest of the sentence was cut off abruptly when the branch finally gave way with a loud and very audible _CRACK_ And down they went! A startled Seifer already moving into action by propelling both himself and Squall away from the oncoming, overhead crash.

"GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

That was Zell, and he had slipped back into flailing and flapping his arms wildly.

With mere split seconds to go before they both crashed to the ground, Laguna yanked the smaller boy against him by catching ahold of one of flailing arms, and twisted them both so that he would bear the brunt of the impact instead of the smaller boy.

When the dust and scattering of leaves and pieces of wood began settling down, the area was enclosed in a silence that seemed even louder than the crash mere seconds before.

Seifer and Squall both quickly made their way back to the base of the tree to investigate the cause of the sudden crash, and found themselves staring down at a messy pile of limbs, twigs and leaves.

Seifer nudged at what appeared to be a leg, and was awarded with the sound of a heartfelt muffled groan and protest.

He nudged at the leg again with the toe of his boot.

"Fuuuuuuccckkk!! I think I broke something.... shit! And stop poking me you fucking ass!"

Seifer's brows rose when he recognized the owner of the voice. "Chicken wuss?!"

"DAMNIT! DON'T CALL ME--OWOWOWOWOW!!!"

Zell clutched at his head, his sudden jerk to an upright position sending mind-numbing stabs of pain through his skull.

Seifer grinned, evil intent glinting in his eyes. "What the fuck were you doin' in the tree, _Chicken wuss_?"

Zell, pre-occupied with the pain in his head that managed to block out everything around him, didn't hear the question or the much hated nickname.

"What? Were you spyi--"

"LAGUNA?!"

The surprised shout caught the blonde's attention, and he quickly turned to his companion, who paid him no heed. Instead, the brunette was staring at another figure lying on the ground, under Zell, with a rather comical and abnormal startled expression on his--meaning Squall's--face.

Seifer followed Squall's gaze downward, and his brows inched up even higher on his forehead. It really _was_ Laguna, and not only that, but he was sprawled underneath _Chicken wuss_, in a rather... _interesting_ position....

"The fuck?" was his only intelligent response.

Laguna, seeming to feel the two pair of eyes lasering down at him, stirred and blinked his eyes open slowly. And looked at the upside down Squall and Seifer.

Unbelievably, he smiled up at his floored son and his nice, tall, tall blonde friend.

"Hiiiiiiiii sonny-boy! Hello there Seifer!"

Squall and Seifer continued to stare at him.

Laguna squirmed uneasily underneath the two, intense gazes, which also seemed to help in putting Zell back into reality.

"Um... why are you two staring at me like tha--"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! Whatthehellareyoudoingunderme?! Shitshit! Owowowow! Fucking head!" Zell switched between struggling to free himself from Laguna and clutching at his still aching head.

It really made no sense, as Zell would later reflect back on the event with an embarrassed flush and scowl, how Laguna seemed to be under no pain _whatsoever_ when he should have at _least_ a concussion and several broken bones, if not be near death, seeing as to how Laguna was the one to take the force of both of their falls.

Laguna tried to sit up, stretching out a hand to pat the twitching, crying boy's shoulder, which was accomplished rather awkwardly from his position. "Are you okay? Does your head hurt? Are you bleeding anywhere? Did you break anything? Shhh, come here, calm down, calm down... that's it. Gooooood boy. Now let's get you to the infirmary, hm?"

Laguna gathered the blubbering boy into his arms and rose on amazingly steady feet.

As he walked away, Laguna remembered two figures still back in the clearing, and turned to look over his shoulders. "Good night you two! Have fun star-gazing!!! And don't worry about Zell here, I'll take good care of him!" He would have waved, in accompany to his normalacy-defying smile, if his arms hadn't already been occupied.

Squall and Seifer stared at the retreating back, silence hanging between the two for several moments.

As one, they turned their gazes from Laguna to the ground where the broken tree branch lay, up to the tree from where the tree branch had fallen, back down to the ground, to Laguna's back, and finally, to one another's faces.

"... what the fuck just happened?" Seifer asked out loud, in a deceptively calm and nonchalant tone of voice.

"............." Squall shrugged, in an equally calm and nonchalant way.

"Right."

There was another pause, and out of nowhere an insect began chirping cheerfully.

"Your old man's on drugs."

"................" Squall gave an imperceptible nod.

"You don't think he and Zell are--"

Squall suddenly gave Seifer a horrified look.

"...................!!!!!"

--

Notes: OMAHLORD!!! It's GROWN to MONSTRUOS PROPORTIONS! I had so much FUN thinking up this chapter and writing it out... cackles insanely.....!!!


	3. Talking Bushes: Part Three

Talking Bushes: Part Three  
By. Bento Box  
11/28/03

--

Zell hobbled along, favoring his still very tender left foot which he had managed to sprain (not break, thank Hyne) sometime during "The Accident".

Zell still flushed in shame and embarrassment whenever refelecting on that day gone horribly awry. Squall hadn't questioned him about it, chalking it up to Zell's typical (and comically amusing) antics. Seifer on the other hand....

Zell's flush faded and he scowled darkly and fiercely--which actually just made him look like a chocobo chick that had been denied its food and was about to go on a pecking rampage.

Seifer, on the other hand, had taken great delight in taunting him. Chicken wuss now having been replaced by "Princess Chickie" since Laguna was, of course, the gallant "knight" who had rescued him. He hoped it was temporary. Even _Chicken wuss_ was better than _that_.

Which was also the reason why he hadn't been able to really stalk--er, keep an eye on _them_. His injuries not only hindered him from moving comfortably about, but hiding was nearly impossible when he couldn't crouch, duck or retreat quickly, what with his injured foot. And he didn't want any more run-ins with Seifer and his "Princess" cracks.

"Dumb blonde," he grumbled, and then winced with a painful jab speared his foot. He realized, in hindsight, that perhaps it hadn't been such a great idea to go off his crutch so quickly. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair tiredly, which was down since he no longer had the time or energy to stand in front of the mirror and fix his hair up. At least Seifer no longer teased him about his hair he thought sourly, head drooping and hair flopping forwards like a puppy with sadly-drooping ears. The taller man had found his unstyled hair to be an amazing font of amusement--until Selphie had unwittingly made the comment that Zell with his hair down looked uncannily like he could be Seifer's little brother and wasn't that just "COOL?!"

Neither Zell nor Seifer had thought so, but it had gotten Seifer to back off some, much to his relief.

Not really paying much attention to his surroundings, too absorbed in his own thoughts and woes, Zell nearly walked right into the conversation between two men in front of him, but hewas barely able to catch himself in time upon seeing the conversing couple.

Squall and Seifer!

Blue eyes widening, he backpedaled (painfully) and hid himself around the corner. Pressing himself as close to the edge of the wall as possible, he peered cautiously around.

"So I'll meet you out in the green house later today?" Seifer's back was to him, and was for the most part blocking Squall from his view, but he caught the slight nod that the brunette gave to the taller man.

"Great! See ya then Puberty Boy!" Seifer clapped Squall on the shoulder before striding forwards and past Squall, whistling an unknown tune.

Squall stood there for several minutes, a bemused look on his face, before walking off to the side, thankfully not towards Zell's little hiding spot.

Zell had an oddly thughtful look on his face, tinged with a touch of a confusion. Shrugging whatever thoughts he was having off, his gaze switched from the direction Seifer had taken off to, to Squall's.

_The green house, huh?_

It was a good thing Zell was still on leave then! This meant he could make up for the lost week of "friendly following", due to his confinement!

Hobbling off gingerly once more, Zell wondered if he'd be able to get a hot dog or two (or three, or four, or how about just filling up a full tray or two?) before having to go on stake out again. He had learned his lesson from the first time.

With a cheerful smile, the prospect of finally being able to keep an eye on the two other men once more along with hopeful dreams of hot dogs uplifting his spirits, Zell headed towards the cafeteria.

Hopfully they'd actually _have_ hot dogs this time.

--

Notes: I know, I know. SHORT chapter. But I couldn't get the next part to fit IN with this part. And YES! I know! This thing went from being an easy to write, quick to finish series to a "OMGAWD?! WHAT HAPPENED NEXT YOU BLOODY WANKER! (read: author)" series. cringes and bows head in shame I've had this part sitting for awhile, but waiting for the next scene to fit in here just wasn't cutting it. So I figgers... I'll just deal with it being short and focus on making the next part longer. Hopefully. Hyne knows. xx;

Thanks to everyone (Marios, Sayaoine, Ryu-Chibi, moi, wickedLife, hopemia, and Hellfire2) for your reviews/emails! I'd do individual responses but my brain's flatlining and I need to hit the showers and get cracking on part 4 soon. So if you guys come back to review this part I'll be sure to do responses next time! grin Cheers! And thanks for alla the support, ne!


	4. Talking Bushes: Part Four

Talking Bushes: Part Four  
By. Bento Box  
03/24/04

--

Tummy contentedly full of hot dogs (he had managed to hit the jackpot--FINALLY!) and two chocolate shakes, Zell had a pleased grin plastered on his face as he waddled (mainly due to his injury, not because he was so full he had trouble walking normally) towards the flower gardens. The hint of freshly blooming flowers greeted him as he drew closer to the entrance.

He felt amazingly great despite all of the insanity that had been going on around him lately. The sun was warm enough without being uncomfortable, and the breeze was cool and pleasant--not too strong or too cold. All in all the day was shaping up spectacularly!

"BOO-YA, BABY!"

A wide range of stares were directed his way at the sudden joyous shout. Zell blushed hotly at the attention, garnering a few more amused looks.

He quickly moved along, head bowed, and still blushing in sheepish embarrassment.

Unlike the library and training areas, the green house was a public access area and so no codes were needed to access all of the areas found within the facility. The building itself was simply put but spacious, with an extremely high ceiling paned over by clear glass. A bed of flowers, ranging from commonly found to exotically grown species, rested in the center of the area. The grass that grew throughout the grounds was roughly one foot tall, providing a more wild-grown look. While the trees found here were tall and would provide ample leverage, their intertwining branches were also slender and the canopy wasn't as thick as the other gardens' (which was actually an outdoors one, with more trees and rocks than flowers) so it would be trickier to find an ample hiding place.

Zell personally thought that calling the place a green house wasn't entirely accurate. The students and faculty members rarely looked after all of the plants, and it was more like an indoors flower garden than anything else. Still, it wasn't all that important so Zell merely shrugged the idle thought away and worried at his lower lip.

_Now, where to hide this time around...._

Walking forwards through the thick blades of grass and drooping flowers, Zell neglected to watch where his feet were taking him and what he was stepping on. So it's not surprising that Zell's foot was ensnared by a jutting plant root.

With a jerk and a manly man's bellow (which in actuality was more like a high-pitched yelp) Zell toppled forwards from the sudden stabbing pain on his previously uninjured ankle. For the second time in less than a month, his face was pulled downwards by gravity to kiss the ground.

At least he should've been kissing the ground. Instead, he got a face full of cloth-covered warmth accompanied by a loud "Ooof!" which Zell was sure hadn't been his own.

"Ow."

Zell blinked. He didn't think that had been his either.

"Eh? Zell? Is that you?" Zell felt himself being pushed backwards lightly by the shoulders. Bright eyes peered into his dazed ones and it was a beat later that Zell realized that for the second time in a row, much to his chagrin, with Laguna Loire. Who was still clucking at him like a mother hen.

Zell was pushed even further away, and to the side, until he was situated in a graceless sprawl, feet outwards and throbbing painfully. He dimly noted that now both of his ankles were in pain. And was it just him, or had his feet suddenly bloated within the confines of his sneakers? Blinking again, he shook his head slightly. He felt oddly nauseous all of a sudden...

"Zell? Zell? How many fingers am I holding up?" Fuzzy, skin-colored finger blobs appeared before his eyes and he squinted at them, resisting the urge to yell at Laguna to stop waving them around because his eyes were straining which made his head hurt which made him feel doubly nauseous.

"But I'm not waving them around."

_Oh._ Zell blushed.

Laguna laughed and it was an oddly comforting sound next to the _throb_, _throb_, _throb_ of Zell's pounding brain.

"I guess that answers that question! How did you lose your balance?" Laguna peered at Zell curiously which made Zell wish he would stop because he felt himself grow appallingly red (again) underneath the bright-eyed gaze.

"Er... balance?" The gaze was getting to his higher brain functions as well or something, because for the life of him he couldn't recall how he had ended up sprawled all over Laguna this time around.

A smile grew on Laguna's face, and Zell was startled from his gazing by the sudden poke at his side.

"Yes. Balance. You know, the equilibrium of your body as you walk?" Laguna's smile became a grin. "How come you tripped and fell on me?"

Zell's bolts and wheels cranked to life as his brain finally clicked two and two together, linking balance to walk and trip to fall--and why.

"Oh! Oh yeah." He coughed, a muffled and embarrassed sound. "I.... I think I tripped on a root? Or something?"

Sure enough, when Zell craned his head around and Laguna peered over his shoulder, there lay the culprit. The root was protruding out a few feet away from where Zell and Laguna were, and Zell's shoe scuffles from where it had dug into the dirt when he had tripped and fallen were clearly visible.

Painful pangs shooting up his legs and starting from his ankles made Zell yelp loudly and turn his attention back forwards.

Laguna gave him a concerned look, before gently prodding at his ankles once more: left, right, left, and left again. More yelps signified more pain coming from his left ankle, the one of which was already injured from the first fall a few weeks ago.

Laguna game him another concerned look, this time tinged with guilt for causing the unintentional pain. "Both of your ankles this time? Maybe we should get you to the infirmary."

Zell cringed. He really didn't want to go back to the infirmary because the antiseptic smell made him green to the gills. He really disliked anything to do with doctors, needles, and paper-thin nightgowns. But what he _really_ didn't want the most was for Laguna to have to carry him again. One mortifying experience was enough, thank you very much not at all. He told the snickering mental voice (which sounded suspiciously a lot like Seifer) to shut up, and no! He had NOT enjoyed being an invalid or the warmth of Laguna's around him OR the solid strength of his chest!

_Oi! No way!_ Scrunching up his eyes, Zell shook his head vehemently at the full-blow mental guffaws of the Seifer-sounding voice.

_It's all Seifer's and Squall's fault_, he grumped. He wouldn't be stuck here, always tripping and falling around Laguna, if it weren't for those two and their suspicious, friend-concerning activities. Zell scowled, not really noticing that his angry scowl looked more like a sulky pout or that Laguna was giving him a strange look.

If Zell didn't want to go to an infirmary, that was all fine and well with Laguna, but if he kept up with his insistent head shakes and indecipherable mumbling,. Laguna was afraid he'd injure himself even more.

Thinking quickly of a way to distract Zell, an idea popped into his head and he beamed as he turned this way and that to find the "accomplice" to his "perfect plan".

Zell's mutters abruptly halted at the sudden weight on his head. Blinking, he peered upwards, and there on the fringes of his peripheral vision were colorful petals.

Tilting the colorful ensemble with his hands, Zell was able to make out--"A flower wreath?"

Laguna, still beaming, nodded. "A flower wreath! It's what I was making when you tripped and fell on me!"

Zell blushed hotly at the reminder of his initial clumsiness. Before he could reply, the clearing suddenly gained two more occupants. Zell felt the nearly tangible shift in the air that told him that he and Laguna were no longer alone, and he just _knew_ the people behind him were the ones he wanted to see the _least_ at this point in his increasingly embarrassing life.

Zell paled, then flushed, then paled again until Laguna thought maybe _now_ was a good time to get Zell to the infirmary. He really didn't look well at all...

".... Chicken wuss??"

Zell cringed, palming his face with one hand and mentally crying, _"WHY ME!?"_

As carefree and oblivious as ever to Zell's growing horror and embarrassment, Laguna peered around Zell and brought his arm up to greet the two standing men with a wave of his long fingers. "Hiya boys!"

With Zell's back turned towards the two behind him, he didn't see Seifer's already raised brow inch even higher, or Squall's carefully neutral expression. He did, however, FEEL the amusement growing in Seifer and his head bowed, already knowing what was about to come.

"Hey there Laguna." Impish grin. "You and the chicken spending some quality time?" Wicked smirk.

Zell felt a vein in his forehead twitch, but he refused to turn around. He prayed that the flower wreath would go unnoticed. As luck would have it, he had lost all of his own (luck, that is) to Seifer.

Still smiling, Laguna nodded. "Hey Seifer! Actually, Zell just ran into me, but I was making flower wreaths!"

Seifer's brow and lip quirked at that, and he shot Squall a sideways glance. _Flower wreath??_

_Your-impending-doom-in-the-form-of-a-painful-death_ vibes rolled off of the shorter brunette, and Seifer wisely stepped a few inches away from Squall and redirected his attention back to Laguna and the chicken. Laguna, who was still talking, and the chicken whose flaming red face (Seifer could just TELL even with his back turned) was burning brightly and fiercely.

"--see! Isn't it pretty?" Laguna's smile widened, and he pounced on the oblivious Zell, and maneuvered him so that he was now turned towards Squall and Seifer.

One look at the colorful array of flowers and leaves perched daintily on the chicken's drooping crest was one too many for Seifer and he burst out into a loud and completely uninhibited guffaw.

That damn mental voice definitely _had_ to be Seifer.

Zell scowled (pouted) and crossed his arms over his chest tightly, blue eyes narrowing into dangerous slits at the nearly hysteria-prone blonde before him.

"Shut the fuck up, dickwad!"

Seifer paused, barely controlling his snickers, to give Zell a mocking sneer. "Or you'll wait, beat me to a _flowery_ death, _Princess Chicken wuss_?"

That set Seifer off again, and it wasn't long before he was doubled over, clutching at his laughter-aching stomach with tears gathered at the corners of his eyes.

A dark, quickly growing cloud of _DOOM!_ was forming over Zell's head, and from their close proximity Laguna could practically feel Zell trembling with finely suppressed anger that was about to blow up any second.

Squall glanced at his hysterically laughing company, the extremely pissed off Zell, and his worried father before he snorted, gave a noncommittal "..............." and stalked off away from the group.

It took several seconds before Seifer noticed he was alone save for Laguna and Zell. Calming slightly, Seifer decided he'd better run after Squall now before he completely lost sight of him.

Smirking at the silently raging blonde on the ground, he smirked, then leered. "Gotta run now. Have _fun_ you two!"

He was gone with a swirl of his jacket, and fading snickers and chortles.

Laguna hesitantly poked Zell's shoulder, who didn't so much as twitch at the touch.

Several beats later, an enraged shout rang throughout the green house.

"I'M GONNA _KILL_ HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

--

Notes: I love you guys, I really do. So to thank you for your patience (and death threats... glowers accusingly at Lonnie...) here's a random blurb I did in the rough (hand-written) draft of the chapter. You can expect comic strips and art. Eventually. grin

**EXTRA EXTRA #1**

**Kiros**: You know... if Zell were JUST a year younger, you'd be a _PEDOPHILE_. muttermutter _(Note: Zell's 18, Laguna's 46 )_  
**Laguna**: Ehh? What did you say Kiros?  
**Kiros**: ;; Nothing, Laguna.  
**Laguna**: Okay! v snugs chibi Zell plushie  
**Zell**: oO;; inches towards the door  
**Squall**: .................  
**Seifer**: XD!!! BWAHAHAHAHAA! laughing at Squall and Zell Ow, ow, stop!... you two are gonna kill me if you guys keep this up!!... gasping for air... No, wait. It's too fucking hilarious. BWAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHA!!!! XD pounds fist against the ground and rolls around laughing hysterically  
**Zell**: -- KICKS Seifer who continues to laugh  
**Squall**: ...............


	5. Talking Bushes: Part Five

Talking Bushes: Part Five  
By. Bento Box  
06/17/04

--

The next day Laguna's suite was filled with the cheerful scent of freshly picked and braided flowers as he had brought all of the wreaths he had done back to his rooms. So when Kiros stormed into the main bedroom, he was greeted with the sight of lamps, desks, mantels, doorknobs (actually, he had noticed that before storming in, having crushed a flower or two when he had yanked on the outside handle), so on and whatnot, adorned by long and short wreaths and clumps of flowers.

Laguna was now working on flower arrangements, having spent a majority of the night watching the _Central Home and Garden Network_. Suzae Franchesca sure knew her home arts and crafts stuff but Laguna wasn't about to be outdone in the art of (.. mutilating, victimizing, traumatizing...) flower arrangement.

Kiros took one look at the room and at said room's occupant and felt his eye twitching speed up.

Clearing his throat, Kiros waited for the other man to look up. When Laguna didn't look up he coughed, loudly. That didn't seem to work either, so giving up on subtlety, he stared, aimed, and chucked a bundle of thick, gray-colored papers at Laguna's bent head.

"OW!" Laguna's reflexes and razor-sharp instincts seemed to come from the same family as Zell's grace and balance because instead of handily deflecting the air-born missile, he ended up knocking over his flower arrangement and clutching at his now protesting forehead.

He glowered (pouted) at the standing, arms-crossed, man. "Whaddya do that for Kiros?"

Kiros glared (mega death glared) at him and pointed at the bundle of paper now lying innocently next to Laguna on the bed.

"What the hell is that."

It wasn't much of a question, as Kiros's voice was deceptively calm and controlled as he continued to glare at Laguna.

Blinking, Laguna released his forehead in favor of reaching for the bundle. The sound of crinkling newspaper being fluffed out and straightened was all there was to hear in the next few seconds, until Laguna let out a surprised shout.

"Hey! That's Zell and me!"

Kiros uncrossed his arms and sighed. At least Laguna seemed to be aware of the situation.

"Hey, I wonder if I can ask them for a copy of the picture... it's such a wonderful shot!"

Kiros nodded, relieved that Laguna was finally understa--"_WHAT?!_"

The upright mass of papers shifted downwards until Laguna's face was once more visible, along with the confused expression on his handsome face. "_What_ what?"

"_What_ do you mean 'it's such a wonderful shot'?!"

Laguna stared at him with large, hurt, and reproachful eyes. His voice was forlorn as he said, "Don't you think it's a nice shot? They got us perfectly centered and you can even see the flower wreath I made for Zell! It's so pretty--don't you think it's pretty?"

Kiros palmed his face. Taking a deep, calming breath, he composed himself and raised his head.

And was immediately confronted by the sight of a wide-eyed, forlorn Laguna, complete with glistening, tearing eyes. His patience (what little there was of it) snapped.

"For Hyne's sake man, you're not four years old!"

Almost immediately the teary eyes disappeared and Laguna stuck his tongue out, blowing a raspberry at his irate friend. "Geeze Kiros, you need to learn to relax. One of these days you're going to give yourself a coronary."

_Count backwards, ten black sheep... do not strangle the President of Esthar... nine black sheep... eight black sheep.. do not strangle... seven black sheep...._

As Kiros was finishing up his pacifying mantra, Laguna had gone back to examining the newspaper.

In large, bold print declaring the article's front page exclusive, were the words "_PRESIDENT OF ESTHAR'S NEW LOVE AFFAIR!_" and immediately beneath that was a picture of Laguna and Zell sitting in the garden clearing. The picture had been taken just as Laguna had leaned over and placed the flower wreath on Zell's head. It really was cute, and Laguna hadn't been kidding about wanting a personal copy of the original.

Of course, the cuteness of the picture seemed to be all Laguna noticed, having bypassed the rather scandalous title and article which eagerly went in-depth on how Laguna had "most likely gone to the Garden to visit his younger lover!" and had been seen "hovering around the younger man for the past several weeks _(more photos to be seen in section G4)_!"

Deciding that he might as well call up the newspaper staff for a copy of the picture now while he still remembered, Laguna scrounged through the flower wreaths on his bed for the small palm-sized communicator and gave a triumphant "A-ha!" when he finally found the slim, silver-colored device. Flicking the top open, he punched in a few keys, accessed the phone number database and connected to the newspaper's line.

Kiros, finally having finished his mantra, looked up just in time to see Laguna open his mouth and greet the upbeat young woman who worked the front desk for _E-STAR GLOBAL_. Eyes widening comically, he immediately reached for the communicator and snapped it shut, effectively cutting off the connection and causing the floating image of the blonde woman to fizzle then die out completely.

"_Laguna!_"

Laguna cringed at the heated ire placed in just his name. _Uh oh.. someone's got his panties in a knot....._ was the errant thought that ran through his head.

"I'm only going to ask you one more time Laguna." Kiros held up the newspaper. "What." He stabbed at the front page with a long finger. "Is." Stab. "This." Stab, glare.

Laguna gave him a truly baffled look. "It's just a picture of me and Zell, Kiros. Why are you getting so worked up over it? Do you want a wreath or something?"

Laguna picked up a flower wreath, the blue and white petals fresh due to having been picked just that very morning. He gingerly placed it over Kiros's braids and sat back, continuing to stare at his long-time friend in confusion.

Kiros's glare lost its heat and he stared at the oblivious man. He gave an explosive sigh and collapsed on a nearby chair, one that had somehow escaped from being buried under mounds of flowers.

"Laguna... you're going to be the death of me," he muttered into his palms. "Look, just do us all a favor and try not to be _too_ friendly, okay? The media's having a field day with this mess."

Laguna blinked, then smiled. "Sure thing Kiros."

Kiros didn't think Laguna really knew what he had just agreed to, and sighed again. It was going to be a long day for Kiros, super PR man.

--

quick note, PR stands for "Public Relations"

--

Seifer none too gently shoved the younger cadet out of his way when the other teen was done stapling the flyer up.

It was good to have minions.

Staring unwaveringly at the innocuous-looking piece of paper, Seifer slowly gave an evil little smirk, which expanded into an evil, huge smile. A evil, huge smile that was terrifying and left the already trembling cadet with knocking knees and even more lines of perspiration.

It really didn't pay, being one of Seifer's minions.

Nodding once in satisfaction, Seifer turned and stalked off further down the hallway. The shorter boy followed him, arms full of duplicates of the flyer he had just stuck up. A staple gun, dangerously close to slipping, dangled from his fingers.

The tall blonde stopped in front of the wall adjoining two classrooms and smirked in obvious delight. The evening classes were still in session but they would be over in another half hour. The students would be streaming out for dinner and many tended to stop and chat in the hallways. Which was _exactly_ what Seifer wanted.

"Perfect." Seifer was practically purring at this point, glee giving him a heady rush.

The cowering cadet beside him shivered and felt sorry for the poor blighter whom Seifer had chosen as his latest victim.

Gesturing imperiously at the wall, Seifer stepped back, crossing his arms to watch the younger man hasten quickly to stick up the flyer. He didn't notice the silent and quiet brunette coming closer, so lost was Seifer in his glee.

--

Squall's normally stoic face adopted a frown. That is, an almost imperceptible downwards tug at the corners of his lips, which would have been unnoticeable by those who didn't know him very well or weren't much of observers (or devoted stalkers).

Seifer didn't seem to have noticed him so Squall chose to remain quiet, curious as to what the taller man was so fixated on. The back of a cadet's head obscured his view momentarily, but Squall was soon able to catch a glimpse of what was on the flyer--a rather nice copy print-out of Laguna and Zell sitting amidst a sea of flowers. A nice picture overall, really, until you got to the bold print with cheesy font beneath the photo.

"_PRINCESS CHICKIE AND HIS CRADLEROBBING PRINCE!_"

Squall's vision clouded over, suddenly awash in red. All other senses abruptly numbed out, focusing and narrowing down into a finely-tuned rage that made the blood rush and pound in his temples.

He. Was. Going. To. _Kill_. **_Seifer_**.

Flyer up and mischief done for this section of Garden, Seifer turned and proceeded to walk right into a solid body that hadn't been there before.

"Hey! Watch where the fuck yer goin' shithe--"

He got a good look at the person he had smacked into and paled to a rather sickly pallor, an impressive feat with his already pale skin.

"Shit. I meant... heeeeeey Squall!"

He went for a charming smile.

The grim visage on the other man's face didn't lighten up. The only twitching on Squall's face was one caused by his tightly-clenched jaws. And if anything, the face seemed to darken, and you had to know Squall well enough to be able to distinguish between his normally stoic expression to his upset one. And he was beyond upset. In fact, he appeared to be pissed. Very, very, homicidal-mode pissed.

_Shit._ Seifer's mental voice agree with him too.

"I'll just... take my leave now. I'll catch you later, okay? Okay. See ya!"

There was a streak of white from where the blonde had taken off to, going in the direction from Squall had come from.

Squall's seemingly emotionless mask faltered and his glare intensified a tenth-fold before he took off after the quickly retreating man. He managed a rather dignified, though no less rapid, pace.

"_SEIFER!_"

Another blonde, shorter and trembling visibly from anger, suddenly appeared directly in front of Seifer and successfully obstructed his path to freedom. Zell's normally fair skin was flushed a hot red and his fang-like canines were bared in obvious fury. This would have been cute if he didn't have a homicidal look in his eyes, no less potent than Squall's silent, ice-cold anger.

Seifer cringed, but refused to give in to the increase of panic rising within.

He made a sharp turn, lunging towards the right and took off down the new path.

_ShitshitshitshitshitSHIT!_

He had a new furious mental litany to voice the apprehension of his impending doom.

Sometimes, it didn't pay being an evil bastard, not when he didn't have Hyperion within arms distance.

Or at least a few healing potions handy.

"_STOP RUNNING YA FUCKIN' COWARD!_"

""

Somewhere along the line, Squall had joined Zell.

Thankfully, this was about the same time that Seifer's reserve energy kicked in and he tore down the hall.

--

Notes: Woohoo! Finally! Finished the fifth chapter! Sorry this took so long, but it took me three separate writing times to finally finish this. Sorry about the cliffhanger, but at least we all get to read and laugh (cackle insanely in some cases) over Seifer's demise in the next chapter. That is, if I'm feeling particularly cruel and unusual. :) Till next time! MWA! kisses to all of my faithful readers, especially Verdanii, and my living muse Lonnie

Notes 2: It's the 18th (first finished/uploaded the 17th for those who are confused ) and I just finished editing for the umpteenth time. ; Not a good thing to upload right after finishing at 12 AM only doing a generic spell check--the grammar was atrocious and the structure was pretty off at times. I'm amazed that the people who have read it so far haven't killed me yet for the retarded mistakes I've made. XD Much love to you all--and sorry for not editing thoroughly! Definitely need a good beta reader cuz I'm sure there are even more things I need to fix/edit. . ;


	6. Talking Bushes: Part Six

Talking Bushes: Part Six  
By. Bento Box  
06/30/04

--

It was a shame that Irvine was missing the spectacle of a determinedly stoic-faced commander and a fiery-faced martial artist chase down the flapping white tail coats that belonged to one rather unlucky Seifer Almasy. He could have made a hefty sum setting up a betting pool on who would be the one to reach Seifer first and strangle the tall blonde within an inch of his caustic, smirking, mocking life. As it were, the rest of Garden watched on in collective shock and amusement--all at a very safe distance of course.

Squall was in the lead, but by no means was Zell too far behind him. His longer legs and longer reach gave him an advantage, but he still missed catching a hold of the back of the taller man's jacket. Eyes narrowing slightly, he contemplated tossing further caution to the wind regarding his dignity and just jumping the other man and sending them both crashing towards the ground. Seifer would be depending on Squall to maintain at least a smidgen of decorum, and over the years Squall had learned that sometimes acting out of the norm could give one an advantage over the unsuspecting target.

Muscles tensing and focus entirely trained on the fleeing blonde, he made ready to pounce when oxygen abruptly left his lungs as he was rail sided by a whirl of pale blue and flying black hair.

"_SQUALL!_" The exuberant scream successfully deafened Squall, and he stared up in a daze at the swirls of colors spinning in a dizzying array of colors before his eyes. A heavy weight settled more comfortably atop his chest and further cut of any circulation going to his arms and legs.

"It's _so_ good to see you!" the happy screaming continued, filtering through his ears in a muffled tone. He looked forlornly after the quickly diminishing figures of both Seifer and Zell, his inner self shriveling up inside him at the continuous attack on his ears and blood flow.

He bit back the whimper that threatened to break loose when motion followed sound and Rinoa began thumping against his chest excitedly with her hands to emphasize whatever it was she was saying.

_Someone?... Anyone?!... Help me!......_

Unfortunately, a majority of the staff and cadets had magically disappeared, leaving Squall to the tender (or not) mercies of the petite woman causing grievous harm to his ear drums and body.

--

Seifer dimly noted that Squall had somewhere along the line dropped out of the chase, leaving only the smaller blonde still running after him.

He gave a small smirk. _One down, one more to go._

As soon as the thought was finished, he abruptly found himself with a face full of dirt and a mouth full of flowers. Not to mention a pressing weight against his back, pinning him to the ground. The predicament would have been more exciting if Seifer wasn't in danger of blacking out soon due to lack of oxygen.

Bucking the other man off seemed to have no affect and if Seifer didn't get up soon, or at least dislodge the calloused fingers currently wrapped around his throat like a vice, he was going to be crossing to the other side of the road sooner than he would have liked.

Trying to avoid gnashing his teeth on the mouthful of grass and flowers, Seifer reached underneath his chin to grapple with the fingers currently trying to be behead him. After several minutes and a rather discomfiting loss of oxygen, he finally managed to forcefully remove the fingers from his throat. Shoving with a considerable amount of strength against the resisting body, he rolled them both over until he had Zell pinned beneath him. Straddling the other man, he sat down with his full weight.

"Get offa me! Lemme go you bastard!" The smaller blonde struggled against the hands that had his wrists trapped in firm grips. "When I get my hands on yo--"

Seifer interjected blithely,"Chickie, chickie, chickie. If you had wanted a piece of me you could've just asked, no need to knock me out first." He leered. "I wouldn't mind you getting your 'hands on me' while I'm awake."

Zell blushed, fiercely and commercial white teeth flashed in response to the rather endearing shade of ripe tomatoes.

_Huh, never knew that Seifer had dimples._ Not as if that was a surprise. The other blonde spent more time sneering down at him than smiling.

_WaitjustaHyneforsakenedminutehere!_ Why was he contemplating Seifer's smile when he should be throttling the man for what he had done earlier with the posters and had said just now?! Anger surging through him once more, Zell's hands lunged for Seifer's throat. "Shut da hell up ya prick!"

Before Zell could experience the satisfaction of ending Seifer's miserable life, he was abruptly being yanked upright with Seifer no longer straddling him. He hadn't noticed the lack of blood flow going through his legs earlier, but he felt it now. Along with the telltale jabs of pain shooting up from his ankles in protest.

Wincing and worrying at his lower lip, Zell berated himself for neglecting his injuries again. Although the anger and adrenaline hadn't abated much, they no longer blocked out the sensations of pain running along his legs. At this rate, he might as well be wheeling around in a chair since he seemed intent on killing off his legs.

Seifer appeared to be talking still, but he was also moving around a lot, and Zell's attention was diverted once more from his rambling thoughts.

Bright blue eyes narrowed as frustration, anger, resentment and weeks of confusion boiled up in a malevolent concoction. He could feel his eye start to twitch as Seifer's gratingly cheerful voice continued. He wasn't sure what it said about him missing the mocking, snide Seifer, but five seconds from now he wouldn't have to worry about a thing because he was going to finally _kill_ Seifer.

It seemed that Zell's self-appointed task in ending Seifer's life was to be thwarted at every turn because the next thing he knew, his vision was being obscured by a familiar sight--petals.

As soon as the flower wreath had touched his head, it was like an unstopped plug letting the water drain away. Zell's tumultuous flow of emotions suddenly ebbed away and he blinked blankly at Seifer's grinning face.

_What. The hell??!_ Zell's inner Seifer voice was baffled as well at this turn of events.

A large hand patted Zell's flower-covered head and smirked at the mounting confusion in the large blue eyes. "See Chickie, that," he pointed at the flower wreath, "is how a _real_ Princess Chickie crown should look like." The generous mouth turned into a smirk. "And now, in return for having been blessed by my benevolence, I'm going to have to demand a _kiss_."

A strangely intense look appeared in Seifer's eyes, and he leaned in closer, inch by diminishing inch closing the distance between them.

Zell's already large eyes widened until there seemed to be more blue than anything else. He felt like he had that first time he had seen Ma and Pa when they had come to pick him up from Edea's orphanage. Frozen to his spot and mind blank save for the overwhelming sense of shock that something life-altering was happening, and to _him_ of all people.

Unfortunately, the loud smack and wet buss on cheek broke any deeply thoughtful or meaningful spell that Seifer's blue-green gaze had trapped Zell under. He could feel his face automatically flame up once the (amazingly soft) lips left his quickly warming skin.

Seifer laughed at the frazzled look on Zell's cherry red face and stood. "Thanks for the kiss chickie but I gotta run before Puberty Boy manages to dislodge Rinoa and comes back after me."

He started to saunter off and when he glanced back to find Zell still staring after him, mouth now agape, he winked, blew Zell a kiss and continued on his merry little way.

"What. The. Hell."

Zell had no idea. He really didn't. And it didn't help either that his previously silent and baffled inner Seifer voice had ceased to be silent and started back up on the snickering. Was it just him, or was his life resembling a low-budget soap opera (or at least a terribly cheesy and physically painful comedy...) more and more every day?

Cautiously rising to his feet, Zell cringed at the dirt and grass stains on yet another favorite pair of his shorts. He also cringed at the realization that he wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eye for weeks, months even, to come, with all of the insanity dancing around him lately.

Scowling (pouting!) angrily, he jerked the flower wreath from his head and glowered at it, contemplating tossing it on the ground.

It was awfully pretty though. _Not that the fuckin' prick will ever find out I actually think it's pretty. Che. I'm startin' to get as bad as those damn first year teenyboppers._ It would be a waste of life if he just threw it away. _Eh... Seifer will never know that I kept the thing so why not, right?_ Right.

He told his inner Seifer voice to throw himself off a cliff, although the chances of any silence coming from that disturbing part of his brain would probably only end if Zell killed himself. And even then Zell wasn't sure if the damn voice wouldn't haunt him in his afterlife as well.

Through all of the soul-searching and Seifer-voice bashing, Zell's fingers had unconsciously risen to lightly touch the cheek that Seifer had kissed. When he realized what he was doing, he yanked his hand away and stared at the offending limb with a mixture of horror and betrayal.

Eye twitching slightly, Zell muttered beneath his breath about "dumb blondes" and "damn flower wreaths" and "stupid freakin' good intentions of friend patrols will only kill ya" as he stalked away from the garden in a "manly" fashion.

--

Notes: I blame it all on the Lonster Monster as usual. BLAME HER! Laguna is being pushed outta the limelight and Seifer stole a kiss! (I swear I'll have Laguna back in the ball game.. eventually.... maybe... er... right.) The tension is mounting (ahahahaha.....) and hey, is that an ALMOST plotline I see?? After a year and some odd months, days, hours, minutes and seconds?! It's the end of the world! O.O Poor Squall. But hey, we needed a sacrificial lamb and there could only be one victor at the end of the chase! Although that depends on who you consider the real victor--Zell or Seifer. Heh. Heh. Until next time! OCCNESS BABY!!! And since I STILL don't have a beta reader--all mistakes are _mineminemine_. But I endeavor to edit several times over the course of the story's life so you may or may not have caught this chapter (and the rest of the chapters) during an edited-but-NEVER-thoroughly-so time.


	7. Talking Bushes: Part Seven

Talking Bushes: Part Seven  
By. Bento Box  
07/05/04

--

By the time Squall had pried Rinoa off of himself and leapt to his feet to stand at a safe distance, he had acquired several new bruises. The marks of a battle barely won. His eye twitched as he stared, otherwise impassively, at the buoyant girl.

"Squall! Aren't you happy to see me? I came all the way out here just to see--"

"What... are you doing here." _Patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue._

Rinoa blinked wide eyes at him in puzzlement. "Hm? Oh! I thought I'd give you some time to yourself before coming to stay with you again since you seemed so stressed out and delirious--"

"... we broke up." _You cannot kill a civilian. You cannot kill a civilian._

"Don't be silly! We didn't break up, sweetie! We just took a break--I'd never break up with you!"

"We. Broke up...." ... _maybe just a bit? Strangulation just enough for her to pass out? A missing limb or two? Tying her up, gagging her, and tossing her into a locked closet for an hour... or two... or three_? All were wonderful ideas, really.

Rinoa's large eyes glistened and filled with tears. "Stop saying such awful things! We didn't break up! We didn't!"

Squall started to edge away as Rinoa's shrill voice went up several notches higher. He eyed the trembling lips and teary eyes with a wariness usually reserved for wild, unpredictable monsters. Perhaps... _Quistis?_ She could handle this. Then he wouldn't be blamed for any drastic measurements. _Must not kill..._

"I love you Squall! I love you!"

Squall silently walked to a control panel and lightly tapped in the number code for Quistis's line.

"This is Quistis Trepe."

"........"

"Squall?"

"....."

"What's wrong?"

"...... ..... Rinoa."

Quistis's exasperated sigh could be heard even over the faint buzzing of the intercom. "Not again. Alright, wait right there, I'll be over in a few minutes. You're near the garden, right?"

"...."

"Try not to strangle her this time?"

Squall's eye twitched again but he relented, albeit regretfully and with great hesitancy. "... fine."

The connection ended and Squall turned to find Rinoa still standing where he had left her, now openly weeping and still denying vehemently that they were done and through. Hyne, was it his fault his first tentative reach for human contact had landed him with the stalker ex-girlfriend from the pits of doom and darkness?

Well, maybe just a bit.

As promised, a familiar blonde head with the long strands of hair elegantly done up in a artless bun appeared, boot heels clicking against the hard ground with a purposeful stride. Squall gave a small sigh of relief.

One brow rose smoothly on Quistis's face at the pinched expression Squall wore, a wry quirk tugging at her full lips. Rinoa had always seemed to bring out Squall's feelings to the surface quite well--for better or for worse. Deciding to give the young man a break, she made slight shooing motions towards him, conveying with another quirk or her lips that she would be able to handle the situation from here on out.

The small release of tension around Squall's eyes was payment enough for Quistis for having to put up with a blubbering, watery mess that was Rinoa Heartilly.

Squall swiftly made his escape, telling himself that he was not running away. Merely... _retreating_ in a strategic fashion.

--

Seifer was having a great day so far. First, incriminating pictures and fliers up all over the Garden regarding the Chicken wuss and Laguna. Then, successfully embarrassing and stealing a kiss from the Chicken wuss. Oh, not to mention Rinoa suddenly showing up for the second time in as many weeks to deter Squall from detaching his head from the rest of his body.

Of course, with Squall, one never knew which _head_ he'd have removed... which made Rinoa's appearance even more of a good thing.

Whistling cheerfully to himself, he snatched a freshly cleaned, as of yet uneaten, apple out of a startled cadet's hand. He sneered at the younger boy, watching in obvious glee as the other tried to burrow himself into his books.

Taking a bite out of the crisp, red fruit, Seifer continued on his way, not noticing the tall, dark man watching him obscurely from around the corner.

--

Kiros had decided to take a walk around Garden to formulate a plan on getting the media off of Laguna's back. How said media had found their way onto a topnotch school of training elite mercenaries made him scoff at Garden's security--or lack thereof--but subterfuge was everywhere so he couldn't really fault the Headmaster for not being able to control each and every one of his students.

Which was why it was a good thing Kiros was there to keep an eye out for his long-time friend and (there really wasn't a better word for it, his paycheck in essence did stem from Laguna) employer.

Coming across the garden where Laguna's ill-timed excursions into his favorite pastime had landed him his hot seat on the front cover of _E-STARR GLOBAL_, Kiros found a nice little enclave at the base of a large tree surrounded by grass and flowers. He settled down and leaned against the rough bark, idly watching the breeze gently play through the blues and reds of the petals belonging to the flowers near his outstretched feet.

A sudden disturbance caught his attention, and he rose silently to his feet, moving closer to the source of the sounds.

"And now, in return for having been blessed by my benevolence, I'm going to have to demand a _kiss_."

_Hm. That voice sounds familiar..._

He edged closer and found himself staring at a large form sprawled across another body against the ground. Kiros's brows rose in surprise at the sight, then lowered as he gave a slow smile.

Perhaps... perhaps here was his much needed distraction.

He watched the by-play of scenes, smile firmly etched into his face. A plan was forming rapidly, and all he had to do now was hash out the details and maybe request the tall, gray-coated blonde to be his partner in crime?

_Ah, I haven't felt this sneaky in ages! Time for a frazzled PR man to have some fun._

After waiting for Zell to disappear down the hall, he quickly walked in the direction Seifer had gone, intent on catching the tall man when he was alone.

--

Notes: Sorry this is so short, but as you can see I'm starting to draw in other characters and it's hard trying to juggle all of their point of views and ties into the plot (plot? what plot? XD) without frying my brain into a crisp. I hope that you guys continue to read the series! I'm not sure when I'll be finishing this bloody thing but one can hope for SOON, ne? Until next time everyone, my thanks to all of you for sticking with me! Review and gimme all of your feedback!

I also hope I answered your question Avion Jade, as to why Rinoa's back. And to anyone else who also remembered the little tidbit that Squall had broken up with Rinoa.


	8. Talking Bushes: Part Eight

Talking Bushes: Part Eight  
By. Bento Box  
11/14/04

--

Seifer was coming out of the men's room when he was intercepted by a slender hand on his forearm. Scowling and turning to frown at the obviously suicidal person presumptuous enough to lay their hand on him without his permission, he silenced his quick retort upon seeing who exactly had stopped him.

"Mr. Almasy?" Kiros Seagill's voice was pleasantly deep and low.

Seifer gave the other man an affable smile. "Mr. Seagill?"

Kiros's return smile was just as cordial. "Would you mind if I took up a bit of your time?" It was like doing a two-step at a top scale banquet, each trading polite inquiries in an exaggeratedly civil manner.

Seifer hid his surprise to the quietly spoken request. _Today was just getting more and more interesting_, he smirked to himself.

"No problem, I'm free for the next half hour or so. Is that enough time?"

"More than enough." Kiros turned slightly, pausing to glance up at Seifer. "If you could please follow me? I believe that the matter of which I'd like to discuss with you would be better discussed in my private quarters."

Seifer's interest and curiosity piqued at the statement and he followed after the other man. He wondered what exactly Kiros wished to discuss, briefly reflecting on whether or not it had anything to do with Squall. He quickly dismissed the thought in favor of a more probable one--Laguna and the Chicken wuss.

That thought led to other ones; whether or not Kiros was here to gently dissuade Seifer from adding fuel to the fire stoking the speculations and gossip revolving around the President of Esthar, or if he was going find his ass handed back to him on a platter.

_Oh, the possibilities._ That being said with a hint of _more_ than just slightly masochistic glee.

Seifer followed the other man down the halls and finally through the entranceway into his rooms. Kiros gestured to the plush chairs surrounding a small coffee table. "Please have a seat. Would you like any refreshments?" Seifer shook his head before sprawling elegantly and intentionally casual into the large chair, watching behind a lazy expression as Kiros seated himself across from him.

"Getting straight to matters, I'd like to ask you for your help." Kiros paused, as if collecting his thoughts. "As you may well know, a lot of the media sharks have been circling the Garden lately due to the rumored relationship between himself and Zell. As Laguna is rather oblivious to the consequences of his actions, there's no way for him to set the media straight. Unless is fully convinced that Laguna's so-called 'affair' is really nothing more than a rum our."

Seifer wished Kiros would just get to the point already, that of asking Seifer to help in some way to convince the media that Laguna and Zell weren't actually, heh, "boyfriends." He barely resisted the urge to heave a sigh as Kiros continued on. For someone trying to get straight to the point, he was really taking his sweet time. The rather scarily smug look in his eyes didn't help either. Seifer figured he'd gone way too long without some of _relieving_ himself. Probably because Laguna really _was_ quite _that_ clueless.

Green seemed to be the _in_ co lour these days as well. Seifer snickered mentally to himself, beside himself from amusement.

"... and so what I need you to do is to keep Laguna away from Zell." Finally! They were getting down to business now. "I caught you giving him a kiss earlier. I believe that if the media were to catch more public displays between the two of you, barring the inevitable headlines on how Zell seems to be having an affair on Laguna, that they'll eventually lose interest once it's apparent that Zell and Laguna are merely acquaintances and nothing more, nothing less."

Kiros gave a loud exhale and then sat back in his own chair, watching Seifer expectantly.

Seifer took on a thoughtful and contemplative expression, keeping it on for a few seconds until Kiros started to shift restlessly in his seat, before allowing his lips to stretch in a slow smile that bode no good other than impish evilness. "It would be my pleasure to help you Kiros. Count me in."

Kiros laced his fingers together, crossed his legs, and allowed his own smile to appear as he relaxed. He settled in comfortably, ideas and plans formulating quickly in his mind.

"Excellent. I believe that we should first start out with is...."

--

Notes: Hush, you! I know this part is uber, uber, SUPER UBER SHORT but I finally cranked out _something_. Lonnie finally managed to beat me enough times to get part eight up and out there. Really, if it weren't for her, you guys would be stuck waiting another YEAR before seeing this short, bloody awful, cliffhanger piece. XD I need some time to plan evilly for the next part though, so here's another EXTRA EXTRA! inspired by Lonnie's comment to the incompleted beginning of this that I had posted up on our writing livejournal.

**EXTRA EXTRA #2**

**Seifer**: Would you mind passing me that plate of biscuits?  
**Kiros**: No, no, not at all my dear lad! Here, perhaps some more tea for you as well?  
**Seifer**: Ahh, thank you! These are wonderfully _scrumptious_! And yes, more tea would be absolutely _delightful_, thank you!  
**Kiros**: They _are_ simply _delicious_, aren't they? laughs and tosses head slightly I had them _especially_ delivered to us from Esthar! Nothing beats air mail courier by GFs, you know.  
**Seifer**: Yes, yes. Freshly baked from Lumier's as well, I assume?  
**Kiros**: But of course!  
**Squall**: ...........  
**Zell**: Yeah, man. I think we _did_ just step into the Twilight Zone. Argh. What the fuck! It's TOTALLY freaking me out! There are some things I should never, _ever_ see. And Seifer sipping tea with his _pinky_ sticking out like some.. some... _CHICK_ is one of 'em! It's just _wrong_, man!!  
**Quistis**: glasses flash ominously Would you like to repeat that again, Mr. Dincht? I'm afraid I didn't quite catch you the first time.  
**Zell**: Uh, er, uhhh... I THINK I HEAR MA CALLING ME! starts hollering I'M COMING MAAAAAAAAA!! takes off at top speed  
**Quistis**: stalks after the runaway blonde Come back here this instance Zell Dincht! I'm not done with talking to you just yet! cracks whip  
**Kiros**: now eating a biscuit Wonderful, simply _wonderful_!  
**Seifer**: sipping his tea Absolutely! This is _marvelous_!  
**Squall**: ............


End file.
